Online Dating Dilemma #1

I'm going to ruin the punchline for you. There was no second date.

Also, the first guy in the running is not the headline-grabber that the subsequent guys are. He was just boring. But in an interesting way. He [eventually] made good conversation, there were certainly interesting things about him, but he violates my number one dating rule (acquired through lessons learned the hard way).

Dating Rule #1: Don't go out with a guy you're not interested in.

In the past, I've violated this rule because I thought, "maybe this will grow into something." And you know, maybe it will. But if it might, it can do that without forcing it. If someone makes a better friend than lover, keep them as a friend. Sure, it'll hurt for a few days, but it's eminently better than the alternative. And there is always the possibility that you can look over one day and realize, "hey, I like this guy, and something can start up, then. Or, he'll find a girl less-crazy than you. At least it will end well for him.


So, Guy Number 1 was almost a non-story. I went out with him because, hey what can you tell from a picture and some controlled conversation, and he didn't scare me. I was fairly sure he was not a stalker, or obsessive, or any other kind of unstable. But just to be smart (see mom, I DO play it smart), I met him in a public place, that I was familiar with.

Here's a "tip" more than a rule. Keep in mind that familiar, public places have become that way for a reason. Read on to see what I mean. 

We met at Barnes and Noble. You know I prefer a coffee shop with a good fair trade blend. Perhaps the barista will even be the person who pays the rent. But places like that are lacking in my town - the most recent casualty has already been replaced with another Japanese restaurant (just what we need around here). So you have Barnes and Noble, Books A Million, The Coffeehouse (don't be fooled by the name - they serve 10 times more beer than coffee, and have the sticky floors, the cranked-up volume, and questionable silverware to prove it), and most-recently, the Green Grocery Store that is already home to Secre-Sarah's bad first date stories. So I picked Barnes and Noble.

We met up right at the front of the cafe, and he offered to buy my drink and a dessert. No problem. He says, "let's go over this way to sit down," and I follow to find an alcove with 3 empty tables (and about 5 filled tables). One of the filled tables is occupied by someone I know.
*If you know the person I'm talking about, you will know why it was kind of unnerving. Not because I like the someone, but because he's a keen observer, a very dry person, and a world-traveling, poetry-writing, photographing enigma of a person.
 Naturally, out of the three empty tables, my date elects the one in direct eyesight and ear(sight?) of this guy. To be precise, I can see the guy riiight behind my date, but my date cannot see him.

My date then begins to question me about my life and the world I inhabit. It was, I would bet, a lot like being on a date with me, because he kept lobbing questions out there, one-after-another, to the point I nearly ducked. A couple of the times, both to take the heat off of me, and to make sure I was answering correctly, I nearly leaned over to Joel and said, "Hey, Joel, how many people would you say go to Hopwood?"

Yes. Those are the kinds of questions being rapid-fired at me. The minutia of various details of my life. I did try to toss some back, but his answers were kind of, um, short.

Anyway, eventually I managed to get him talking about himself and his interests, and conversation flowed. He spoke well. Just not so interestingly. Or maybe just not interesting to me. And then, strangely, he sort of just ended the date. Like, he went from "do you want another drink" to "I need to get home."

I spent a little while thinking back over things... Did I say something offensive? We both know that's a possibility, but I truly couldn't think of anything that could be taken badly. Later he mentioned in an email that he wasn't feeling to well the whole night and suddenly the bottom dropped out (actually, he probably said it a little less-interesting than that, but you catch the drift). Yes. An email.

Because we did not go out again. We were both busy and just sort of stopped all conversation. Which is mostly-okay. It leaves me to think that maybe he found someone he clicked with and things are rosy and beautiful on his end.

On my end, we're left with the sobering fact that Guy Number 1 is bo-ring. And there was just no spark. Maybe those are one-and-the-same, I don't know. In fact, there isn't much I know, post-facto. If I stop to think real hard, I can remember his name. And some general things, like the country he is from, and that he works with computers and makes lists (the list thing, you might guess, was a connecting point). But he wasn't nearly as memorable as Guys Number 2 and 3.

End of the Week Tally

Because I know you're dying to know the answer, and I'm NOT waiting around another 2 hours and 12 minutes to confirm this, my work Inbox beat my Google Reader by a significant margin (significant enough that I'm willing to call it and leave early).

In case you can't read the numbers (or find them in the midst of all that), Inbox = 834 (it was already 835 by the time I am writing this), Google Reader = 664.

We're not going to consider what the last few weeks have done to, ahem, other numbers associated with the stress of the last few days (in case you didn't catch that sly allusion, I'm speaking physiologically).

Because after turning in my last paper (cross your fingers that it's the last one, I'm not counting my chickens until tomorrow morning), and handing in my last assignment, and even counting those things, THIS is the most beautiful thing I've seen all week.

If you don't count this, which was a thank you from the three people who made that such a welcome end to my week.

Or this, which truly trumps everything you've just seen and read.

On to my next adventure...

I know, It's 6:00

And I'm not going to tell you what I'm doing. Except it's not working. It's not schoolwork, either. In fact....

Okay, I'll tell you what I'm doing.

I'm going through the Shop For Anissa post and picking out all of the stores I might possibly purchase from.

Because, while I said I was going to make all of my Christmas gifts this year, I've already broken that. AND each of these places is offering a percentage of their sales today to Anissa. So you sshould really check it out. It's for a good cause. A really good one ('cause did you hear that Anissa is doing super-well?).

Shop, people. Go Shop.
(It's today only!)

Annnnnd, Not Yet

Online Dating Story #1 is not quite ready. It's drafted but needs a good, solid edit, which I can't get to until at LEAST this weekend. If other people really suck at doing what I ask them to do in a timely manner (meaning, if I don't have to work because the people I'm working with haven't given me the 80-page draft to edit and if I don't have any more assignments in my classes-without-suitable-syllabi, wtf, profs? Can a girl know if she has to write another paper, already? You know, after she finishes writing the one that's due Thursday, noon, and the gigantor assignment due Thursday after-noon, after the grant proposal that's due Wednesday?).

Did I mention I'm kinda busy? Yet I took five minutes to whine about it, instead of calling my mama. Of course, she's likely reading this, so really, you're more like a freebie or an afterthought.

Because, literally, it's stressful and hectic enough I can't tell you when the next time I'll talk to my mom is.

And did I mention it's stressful? I nearly had a full-on angry/scared/freaked-the-frack-out panic attack a few hours ago. If you only knew...

Life is splendid.

This week's experiment: will my Google Reader "unread" posts number be higher than the number of messages in my work email inbox by Friday at 4:30? The inbox is currently ahead at something like 675. But the google reader is filling up fast. How fast???

Stay tuned to find out!
(ohhhh, the anticipation)

OKAY, I've Learned My Lesson

In a couple of years, when I'm still single and wondering how to meet guys (let alone new friends), refer me back to this post.

A few years ago I tried internet dating, and I remember one guy who gave me the brush off and I'm all the better for it, and one guy I brushed off and thank GOD because I am definitely better being single than connected with him. What I remember overall is that I came to the conclusion that while I live in a relatively-urban place (compared to where I grew up), it's just too small a place to find a guy I match up with who lives close enough we could meet for lunch on a work day. I'm not saying lunch dates are mandatory - they're just indicative of the mileage in-between us (and hey, they are fun). I just don't have a life where I want to "date" someone that requires refilling my gas tank once a week or more. It's a perk I've come to love.

And then, I sort of forgot all about internet dating, my experiences, etc. Secre-Sarah referred to a guy she met online and I thought, "huh, I forgot that was even a way to meet guy-type people." So I tried it out, again. While I still believe the above realization is true, it's not my real problem.

My problem is those stories people like to tell about online dating. They're true, in my case.

We all know I have this honing beacon that calls to weirdos. Odd people are drawn to me - no doubt it's in part because I'm odd, myself. And even without the internet, I'm likely to draw guys who are needy, because I don't like to be rude, and I like to be helpful. Also, I don't really have anywhere to meet guys. I work with a bunch of women, excepting Other Boss, who is male, married, and in his later 50's. Great mentor, not so great with the social opportunities. His son is already married, and lives hours away. :)

To be fair, I know 3 guys who are not married that I would consider dating. However, none of them have asked me out, and given my social skills, I think it's rather safe for you to bet that I'm not ballsy enough to ask any of them out. Which, I guess, means I don't deserve them. Because they really are nice guys. But for all I know, they're not available, anyway.

So check back soon to hear online dating story '09 - Number One.

In the meantime, I refer you back to my ranty rules of online dating. They are still true.

Ad During Extreme Makeover: Home Edition

Oh. My. Gosh.

ABC has a TV show to help adopted kids find their biological parents.

I don't know if I can deal with that.

(p.s. I'm not dead yet. Just supah-dupah-busy.)

It's [Not] All About Me

Let's be crazy-novel and focus on someone other than me for today. Actually, someone's.

1. My nephew David, whom you have heard me talk about quite a lot, was born early. Like, really early. Not like "Jillbe was born 5 weeks early" (or whatever it was) but 1 pound 1.4 ounces early. Like 7.5 months in the NICU early. Like what-a-freaking-miracle early. And What a Freaking Miracle is right. David is so lucky. Sure, we're lucky to know him and experience him, but he's just lucky to be here at all. Lots of babies don't get that chance. So even though I'm terribly late about it, stop and remember that November is National Prematurity Awareness Month, and that we've all been touch by this. The March of Dimes has some crazy miracles going on, and it's because people like you stopped to think about it. 
2. November is National Alzheimer's Disease Awareness Month. Do you realize what that is like? To be someone who gradually loses understanding and memory of your whole life - everything you've done, everyone you've known, everything you've learned... Or what it's like to care for someone like that?  Think about this. And go have some Omega-3's. They're good for you no matter what. 
3. Did you really think you were going to get by without hearing about this one? Go here to see more - I was silent laughing with tears running down my face (and a smile in my heart) when I did.
   And remember, November is National Adoption Month.